Melkor Steps Out
by chatnoir1
Summary: Melkor manages to escape from the void and where does he go? Why to Starbucks, of course. He discovers the joys of laptops, scones and double mochas, at least until his brother arrives


Melkor Steps Out

Disclaimer: All are Tolkiens, I just play and then put it all back nicely

A short piece of silliness

A.N. Sauron the kitten was introduced in "The Return of the Dark Lord Sauron".

Melkor sat there in Starbucks, his second double mocha in hand, half eaten walnut scone to the side, laptop on the table. On the floor beside him in a Sherpa carrier, a small black kitten mewed in a whining fashion. Melkor's blonde hair was streaked with red and black and arranged to cover his unusual ears, his eyes not visible behind dark glasses. He blended in nicely with the rest of the customers.

"Do be quiet Sauron. I have told you there is nothing I can do about the fact that Olórin had your balls removed." Melkor continued his browsing. Being in the void for millennia had left him sadly out of touch with things. A shadow fell across the table and Sauron hissed.

"Brother."

"Manwë. You found me rather quickly. Eru must be so pleased."

"That was not a nice thing you did to Olórin, Melkor. Sealing him in a large wooden crate with thousands of venomous spiders."

"Well, you were always the nice one, Manwë. I had to avenge poor Sauron's balls. Only one of my minions worth anything."

"How did you manage to escape?"

"Now why would I tell you that?" Melkor took a bite of his scone. "I might fancy a walk out in the world again some time. Speaking of which, it would appear to be much more mine than yours. Global warming, pollution, famine, wars, genocide. Gives me warm fuzzies."

Manwë regarded his brother with no little distaste and sat down. "Yes, well, plans are in the work to fix that. The Firstborn are returning. The music will be heard again and the wounds of Arda healed."

"How nice. You know, I thought I might take advantage of my vacation and hook up with someone. This one sounds promising. 'Selene, Mistress of Pain. Step into my dungeon if you dare, worm' I can imagine turning the tables on Mistress Selene and teaching her the true meaning of pain. What do you think?"

"I think you haven't changed much."

"Well, what did you expect? Locked in the void with no, what is the word, ah, rehabilitation. No counselling. No vocational therapy. I won't mention I was incarcerated without legal representation or a fair hearing."

"You were given ample chances to change, as I remember."

"Well, Eru already had a lap dancing Vala and I didn't want to cramp your style."

"Enough." Manwë glared at his bothersome brother. "You are coming back with me. Now."

Melkor ignored him and continued to browse. "Oh look. This charming man just killed off the last of a species of small spotted cat. He's going to have the skin made into a handbag for his wife. Now if that isn't love, I don't know what is, hmm?"

"Melkor.."

"What? We are in a public place. Are you going to grab me by the arm or ear and drag me out kicking and screaming? And I will scream. Sit and have a chai tea latte. My treat."

"Where did the money come from?"

"I stole it of course." Melkor clucked his tongue. "You shouldn't need to ask, brother. It worries me."

A cold, chilling darkness fell across the table. Those people seated nearby suddenly remembered they needed to be at class or work, someplace else, ANY place else..

"Melkor."

"Námo. This just keeps getting better and better. Join us. I bet you are a double espresso type of Vala."

Námo sat. Manwë nodded in greeting. Sauron hissed and spat. Melkor went to order a chai tea latte and a double espresso. He returned and resumed browsing while the other two Valar sipped their respective drinks.

Námo looked at Melkor through the steam from his coffee. "When we have finished these, Melkor, we will be returning."

"I do not wish to." Melkor stuck his bottom lip out in a pout.

"That is irrelevant. You were cast into the void and in the void you shall remain until Eru releases you."

Melkor raised a finger. "A very good point. And since I am out, that must have happened. Perhaps you missed the memo."

"No. I do not know how you escaped, but I will find out."

The other two Valar finished their coffee and lattes, then dragged Melkor, kicking and screaming, out of Starbucks. Amidst all the commotion, Sauron was completely forgotten, and eventually taken home by one of the employees, a sweet vegan girl. She was puzzled by the fact that her new kitten was always taking and hiding her rings, and seemed to harbour a grudge against lawn gnomes.

Olórin - Gandalf


End file.
